Super (un)Size...

I just hit my goal size!  I don't pay much attention to my weight anymore but I have lost a ton of inches and finally TODAY, hit my goal size.

I bought my very first ever pair of skinny jeans.  They are a size 8, and I must admit, I look great in them.  I  am finally starting to see glimpses of my twenty-two year old butt.  I'm not stopping either.  There are only two more sizes and twenty or so pounds to go before I am the size I was at my high school graduation...

Go me!

And when I make it there in four months I have decided to reward myself with a great birthday present!  But the best part is, I am teaching my son healthy habits!

Cheers!

W.A.'s Momma

Bye Summer...

Summer is coming to an end...

We had a great Summer, how about you?

Fall is my absolute favorite time of year. I cannot wait for campfires, football, chili, chillier weather, pumpkins, Halloween and Thanksgiving...

Hope you all enjoyed your summer.

Cheers!

W.A.'s Momma

Luray Caverns

A couple of weeks ago, we took a trip to Luray Caverns.  It was fun but not a trip I would recommend for children under 5.  The tour lasted a little over an hour and is totally boring for small children.  But it was beautiful.  I am always fascinated by Nature's wonders...

Cheers!

W.A.'s Momma

The Limit

I think I have reached my limit of stress.

Last week I witnessed my first (and only, I hope) earthquake.  Four "aftershocks" followed.  Yesterday, WA fell off his tricycle and got the nastiest black eye I have ever seen.  This week, we are preparing for Hurricane Irene.  Pack those onto the family stress I have been dealing with and I honestly think I have reached my limit.

But I haven't.

I'm sure there is something lurking out there.  Please do not misunderstand me.  I am not a pessimist.  What I mean is, there is always something more that could be piled on and I know I will be fine.  You've heard that saying "it could always be worse".  I will find a way to deal with it.  That is what being "mom" means, right?  I have no idea where it came from but one of my personality traits (I'm very proud to say this) is that I am extremely good at "adapting".  I can vent like a madwoman but I have always been successful at "rolling with the punches" and finding "solutions".  Because its just what you do.  And that is what I will do this week, and next week and even next month when I am sure I will get terrible news. 

I do not have all the answers and sometimes even my faith can be shaken, but the one thing I know for sure, and that I keep in mind during my darkest hours is this:  someone out there has it worse than me.

Someone probably lost their child to cancer today.  Someone is wondering how they will pay their power bill tomorrow before it is shut off.  Someone out there has no idea where their next meal is coming from.  And someone out there is battling addiction and is lost to their family who love them immensely.

I have clothes, food and shelter.  I have a healthy son.  I have a husband who works hard to provide for me and my son.  I have healthy relationships.

Cheers!

W.A.'s Momma

Horses...

WA is infatuated with horses.

It is kind of a "sign" for me.  I grew up with horses and his birth mother was very fond of them, she even used to work with therapy horses.  When I met her in the hospital almost three years ago, Trey and I brought her a bracelet with horse charms on it.

We were in Kentucky when we got the call so we bought something at the airport on our way back to meet her.  It happened that it was a perfect gift.

Another "coincidence", I now remember fondly, was while Trey and I were in Kentucky in November 2006.  We went to the Breeders Cup at Churchill Downs and on a wild hair I bought a stuffed pony.  My niece was due three weeks from then and I thought maybe I would give it to her.

I never gave Eva that pony for some reason.  It just kind of got lost during her birth and aftercare (she had medical issues the first few months).  WA has been carrying that pony around for 2 years.  Its nasty and dirty and it smells.  We even found a replacement from the Internet, but he knows the difference.

Somehow, horses come up in our lives quite often.  My sister Brandie loves horses and she is WA's Godmother.  Her daughter Eva loves horses.  I once sent her a stuffed horse after one of her many surgeries.  And with WA's birth mother and myself having our connection to horses, well, I think it is something entirely cosmic. Maybe it isn't, but it all seems to make sense to me. 
Ive been thinking lately, how I would love to have a horse again.  I don't ride anymore, but its therapeutic to brush horses, clean them and care for them.  Its calming.  I am guessing that is why they use horses in recovery.  There is something beautiful about them.  They are strong and hot-headed, but need a lot of care.

Maybe when WA is older we'll get our chance.  Just have to sell my Kentucky Gentleman on the idea.

Cheers!

W.A.'s Momma

How do you mourn someone who isnt even dead?

Forgive me, this is a serious post...

I suppose its something like mourning someone who is missing because you aren't quite sure if they are still out there somewhere.  Or perhaps it isn't, because all along you have slowly watched that person killing their real selves and becoming someone completely strange to you.

Whether its addiction or mental illness, the result is the same.  Someone you love is clearly harming themselves and you are powerless to stop it so all you can do is just stand by and watch.  And that is the part that hurts the most, I think.

But then, you finally come to the realization that this person isn't going to change and they are not going to realize the dangerous path they are on, so you begin the process of mourning them because you have to cut them out of your life.  You have to stick to your "consequences".

How do you mourn someone who isn't dead? 

I imagine I will do as most people when they lose a loved one.  I will keep myself busy...

I'll finish that book I started to write.
I'll pour myself into my charity work.
I'll continue renovating my kitchen.
I'll raise my son and busy myself with his activities.
My house will always be clean.
My laundry will always be done.
I'll train for that marathon.
I'll spend more time with friends.  I do have supportive friends.
I'll make my husband happy.
I'll restart that book club.
I'll get that Ladies Cooking Club off the ground.
I will build my business.
I'll pour myself into my writing because that truly makes me happy (and its cathartic, they say).

But when I lay my head down at night to fall asleep, all of those thoughts will creep in to my mind and just take over.  That is when the grief will just pour over me and I'll wonder, "When will it lessen?".  And the truthful answer is, I don't think it ever will, because I will always hold out hope that this person will find that rock bottom and come back to us.  This is a relationship that will be devastating to lose.  This relationship has always profoundly affected how I saw myself for many years.  This person has always been too close to me to not consult about my big "life decisions".  But I have my family to take care of. 

I have my son to guide through a life, and keep him safe (from earthquakes too, apparently).  He will have a lot on his plate in a few years time, and he needs me to show him how to make healthy decisions and set healthy boundaries.  I have to be that example for him.

In my mind I know all of this, but in my heart I still wonder...

...how do you mourn someone who isn't really dead?

W.A.'s Momma

Pediatric Cancer

Every day 46 children will be diagnosed with Pediatric Cancer.  Some of them will fight with all of their strength and win, and still, some will not.

Declan Carmical lost his battle with AT/RT a year ago this month just shy of his first birthday.  Declan left behind two grieving parents and 3 brothers (one of them being his twin brother, Cole).  If you havent read Declan's story, I strongly suggest you check it out here.  With immense grief in her heart, Declan's mother started Journey 4 A Cure, a charity dedicated to raising money to find a cure for pediatric cancer in hopes that she could save other children and keep Declan's fate from being some other parent's nightmare.

I'm prepared to help her.

Pediatric cancer is the number one killer of our children and it can be stopped.

Vote at the Vivint Gives Back Project.  You'll find the link on this page.  Thier donating $ 250,000 and J4AC will use that money to fund a CURE for pediatric cancer.


Cheers!

W.A.'s Momma

Now, go vote.