How do you mourn someone who isnt even dead?

Forgive me, this is a serious post...

I suppose its something like mourning someone who is missing because you aren't quite sure if they are still out there somewhere.  Or perhaps it isn't, because all along you have slowly watched that person killing their real selves and becoming someone completely strange to you.

Whether its addiction or mental illness, the result is the same.  Someone you love is clearly harming themselves and you are powerless to stop it so all you can do is just stand by and watch.  And that is the part that hurts the most, I think.

But then, you finally come to the realization that this person isn't going to change and they are not going to realize the dangerous path they are on, so you begin the process of mourning them because you have to cut them out of your life.  You have to stick to your "consequences".

How do you mourn someone who isn't dead? 

I imagine I will do as most people when they lose a loved one.  I will keep myself busy...

I'll finish that book I started to write.
I'll pour myself into my charity work.
I'll continue renovating my kitchen.
I'll raise my son and busy myself with his activities.
My house will always be clean.
My laundry will always be done.
I'll train for that marathon.
I'll spend more time with friends.  I do have supportive friends.
I'll make my husband happy.
I'll restart that book club.
I'll get that Ladies Cooking Club off the ground.
I will build my business.
I'll pour myself into my writing because that truly makes me happy (and its cathartic, they say).

But when I lay my head down at night to fall asleep, all of those thoughts will creep in to my mind and just take over.  That is when the grief will just pour over me and I'll wonder, "When will it lessen?".  And the truthful answer is, I don't think it ever will, because I will always hold out hope that this person will find that rock bottom and come back to us.  This is a relationship that will be devastating to lose.  This relationship has always profoundly affected how I saw myself for many years.  This person has always been too close to me to not consult about my big "life decisions".  But I have my family to take care of. 

I have my son to guide through a life, and keep him safe (from earthquakes too, apparently).  He will have a lot on his plate in a few years time, and he needs me to show him how to make healthy decisions and set healthy boundaries.  I have to be that example for him.

In my mind I know all of this, but in my heart I still wonder...

...how do you mourn someone who isn't really dead?

W.A.'s Momma